Feel so fresh having beached for 2 days with the crews of the place where I work. Feels so wise also to spend my last moments with ’em. Tbh, I planned not to join the event for I didn’t feel so want to. Tough well , I decided to be in, in the very last minutes, packing with no preparation, going to somewhere in Gunung Kidul Central Java, a land with uncountable beaches.
It was so different thinking that maybe this is my last –as the part of the radio– time to go with ‘em. And that what makes it is worth to try.
I don’t think that I will write travel notes as before. I will say many things which makes me happy for the sad things that happened. I learned the situations. I learned the stories hide behind the smiles and laughs. Oh fuck yes, I do understand the things well.
Number one, I learned that in life, there certainly are people putting that fucking pride so high till he just can’t take the pride back even if he needs to. The result of the arrogance is that he needs to and must, do the things which support the highness of the pride or he will lick back his spit. I think, myself, it is disgusting tough I ever did the same. I think we will, sometimes, face a situation that we don’t even fancy of. We may be angry, shy and disapprove to the things that we must accept. The problem is: Do we need to express our rejection of the thing happened to us by not admitting the truth? Why do we need not to admit our real situation which may become our fate? It is tragic, isn’t it?
Number two. I believe that people will get back what he gives. It is similar to the word: Karma. I understand that karma is what get we get (bad or good) in return of our own deeds. I don’t, literally, believe karma for it is not taught in my faith, but I do understand similar interpretation for the people who do good, will get the good things from others. It comes from a magic power that no other creature can calculate but God, Allah SWT.
Okey, let’s say that I felt a heartbreak in my past as my efforts were not appreciated in a good way. It hurt me actually. I kept telling myself that he might do it for he didn’t understand the conditions. Months leaving that moment, God wiped my tears away by letting me see what happened to him. As God wants me to understand that he sees and he won’t let the bad people enjoy the result of the deed of hurting others. It satisfied me, actually.
Number three. I don’t know that being in friendship means being unfair. In friendship, we may have the ones we love better. I can’t give the same love to all of my friends. It’s a common thing, I guess. For we have different characters, we need to be understood by certain people who are able to stay beside. The people in that highlight, are the people who may understand us, that possibly to be our good friend. We can’t give help to ALL OF OUR friends, can we? We will freely help, share our problems, give our heart to a friend that we trust and I completely understand that this kind of tendency can’t be applied to all of our friends. We will unconsciously and automatically choose, feel, and decide who are close friends and Those-who-just-friends are, don’t we?
Here I do figure out –from the #picnicnotes– that: for the sake of friendship, people can indemnify the others who have the same rights to his lovely-amazingly-and-irreplaceable best friend, and THAT! What makes me feel something god lamned judgmental like, “Ok, I don’t think you are a type of friend I will fucking keep.”
I don’t understand why on earth he could not divide where he really needs to professionally stand? And to make it precisely clear, it hurts, eventually, for the people who actually have the SAME GODDAMNED RIGHTS!
Number four, do you ever find out the condition that you are being used by someone. I mean, you are dumped by someone, and on a certain occasion, she comes to your life like there is no fucking thing ever happened between you two? Did you, in your life, ever feel the things I am writing now? Okey, I need to admit that I will call my friend who are possible to help me and I will not call them if I don’t need them. I don’t communicate frequently but I keep holding our friendship to be that good. I think it is normal for the people that have the possibility of helping us may be our just friend and our relation is just that. But, calling the people only when you are in need and dumping ‘em when you just do not need them, isn’t it too cruel? I mean, you use them as they are a noun, as they are not ones of those people in our life. I learned it in my last picnic and I tell you about my writing, I feel sick hearing the story.
Boy, so poor that you are not as good as you good in your social media life!
Number five. I believe that there are 3 magic words that will make you important, making people feel so comfortable to be around. They are, Sorry, Thank You and, Please.
It is insane knowing that for a matter of your pride and your ages, you do not want, to say sorry for you make mistake, thank you for you are helped and please if you need others giving you some favors. I understand how hard it is knowing that someone who did you wrong do not try to realize the fault THAT HE MIGHT BE DONE.
Number six, I learned that we live in a world which is not that purely beautiful. We may have lied, may be hurt, and may be betrayed by the ones we truly dear. Even tough this kind of sides makes us hurt, we can still find the people who undoubtedly shares the hearts for the people around. It makes us realize that life is about making a decision. We can still decide for we want to be the people we dreamed of. We can hurt as we can love, we can hold on or just leave. I learned to be that strong, standing tall not leaving the problems I face. It make me stronger even knowing that there are other people who had the problems like mine and decide to be mature enough not going away and fix the fucking broken situation instead. We may be hurt as we are innocent and be blamed. We can just escape and let the broken be that broken. I think of escaping myself from the problem many times. It may be the way out but not making me feel better.
But i feel like it would be cool to Choose no to giving up. It is like I have the responsibility not to be childish as I have to be that patient enough, solving the broken relationships and making everything OK. I saw this kind of holding on decision in the term to maintain the relation. I ever saw the words who state something deep like:
“Being good to all of the people doesn’t mean that we are fake, we just know well, how to be tolerant.”
I saw how people tried hardly not to make a better condition of something which is getting worse. She can just leave, but chooses to stay. Can ignore but decides to care. That what I mean with being mature. Someone who is wise in thinking would not let the uncomfortable condition be still that uncomfortable. If you can make it better, is it a must to let it just that bad?
Being older is a must, but, being mature, growing up, is an option.
It was a shocking therapy, letting me know the colors of the world I’m living. But I do not ever regret living my life in this job environment. I do feel so thankful for all the pains, the things happened making me even stronger than before. It feels good knowing I have been faced the things, realizing that I am still alive lol. I love living in a different situations for it makes me more colorful and awesome 😀 😎
As long as I can take my breath, I will live and be alive. I may be fall but I will always tell to myself not to forget how to rise. I think it is good to feel the pain and beauties. Making us happy to be thankful, feeling hurt for making us realize and understand, how to learn from our or even other mistakes and doing. I think it is wise to live and learn, learning the things which are happening.
Dan dalam hidup ini kita akan selalu punya sisi pecundang. Kita memang gak selalu baik. Pengecut pun gak selalu buruk. Kita bisa kok, belajar bahkan dari seorang pengecut sekalipun. Belajar, belajar untuk tidak menjadi dia.